IF I PERISH, I PERISH

I once struggled with a major difficulty for over a year. I was physically and mentally exhausted, and ready to throw in the towel and die, in fact death would have been a relief. I couldn’t understand why this was happening to me, and vacillated between pleading with God to intervene, being angry with Him because He didn’t, and condemning myself for whatever I must have done to deserve this. At a most unbearable point one afternoon I went for a walk, and as I walked my thoughts turned to a book I had purchased at least twenty years earlier, and long since forgotten. Now, one would think I gleaned some great spiritual insight from this book, and I did, but not in the way one might think, for I had never read this book. No, what I began to think about was the book’s title, “If I Perish, I Perish.”

I begin to think about Job, how all through his suffering he worshiped God, never sinning with his lips by blaming God, and declared to his circumstances and all the powers of darkness, ”Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.” And the apostle Paul who suffered more than anyone else in scriptures, planting churches by the torn bloody flesh of his back,  rejoicing in adversity, infirmities, and pain, calling it all “light affliction” which brings great glory in the life to come. And somewhere in these musings I had a divine epiphany: I realized that my struggle was, in reality, a struggle with fear... fear of failure... fear of losing my “stuff”... fear of damage to my stature and position among family, friends, community and church. I realized that fear reigns where trust in God is weak. Now this is not trust in God to “fix” my problem making everything better... although sometimes He does. This is trust in Him to never leave me forsaken, even in the darkest of times... to help me through the storm... walking by my side... carrying the umbrella... comforting me with His presence. This trust is rooted in the sure knowledge that God will turn what the enemy means for evil into His purposeful good, that in the working out of my life good will emerge as sure as the rising sun, though it may very well not be that which I desired or felt I needed or even understood... God knows best. Oh, and yes, I still have the book, and I still haven’t read it; it has served its divine purpose...

FEAR REIGNS WHERE TRUST IN GOD IS WEAK